Here are examples of “what to say”, or how to start speaking with Mrs. Martino in this difficult situation:
- “I can only imagine how very, very hard this must be for you Mrs. M. Can you tell me more about what’s going through your mind and what you are feeling?” (or, “what you are hoping for?…what you are most worried or frightened about? What would Henry want for himself (or for you) at this point…?”)
- “I understand how much you were hoping Henry would make it to the confirmation. I am sorry that this is not going to be possible. As his physician caring for him now, I must honor his wishes he communicated to his doctors when he considered what lay ahead. We have not found any treatable or reversible condition now and he has stated clearly that in this situation, if the cancer had gotten to this point, he would not want to be intubated and mechanically ventilated. You should know, too, that even if we were to support his breathing in the intensive care unit, it would not be possible for him to go to the confirmation in that condition.”
- “With all that’s going on now, I think it might be helpful to ask the hospital social worker (or chaplain, or pediatric support team) to come and help us. Would that be OK with you if I give them a call?”